Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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