Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
