I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
