what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
