the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
