I want to make a zoo with you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
