You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
