Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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