please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
