He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This baby is an asshole
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
