I think my vagina is haunted
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
