Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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