Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
