My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so let's talk penis.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
