I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Randomize
