Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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