Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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