Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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