Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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