woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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