I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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