I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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