Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
