my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The adults are the big ones right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
