"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
