I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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