is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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