That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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