why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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