I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
