How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
