My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
