yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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