Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
