there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
