When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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