I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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