yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
