youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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