I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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