I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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