she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
