He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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