just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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