It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
