Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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