Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
