no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
