in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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