my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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