I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
