i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
