so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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