As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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