Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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