i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
